For most of my life I undervalued myself, settling for far less than I deserved. Unfortunately, it is all too common now days for both sexes to muddy themselves up unnecessarily. Is it because of the impossible physical and lifestyle standards that the world plasters all over print and media? With this comes not only judgment and pressure from the world around you but it also creates a constant internal bashing of your value and worth. And what is even more twisted is each sex holds each other up to this idiotic perfection adding to the unnecessary difficulty of find that “right one” to share life with.
What we fail to realize is when we don’t stand up for ourselves and what we deserve, we end up setting ourselves up as targets for the truly ugly people in this world to leach on and suck you dry. If you continue to devalue yourself, you either get trapped in the unhealthy relationship or you create a vicious cycle of relationships that chip away at your self-worth.
As I said, I trapped myself in this damaging roller coaster for years getting myself into many unhealthy relationships. Each relationship brought a larger basket of damaging tools. I have been tricked into financially supporting a grown man, used for sexual satisfaction, settled for being sexually, verbally, mentally and physically abused. I even embarrassingly enough stooped to dating a married man. While there is most defiantly blame on the side of the other person, I really needed to step up and take responsibility for the choices and actions which I made to put myself in these undervaluing situations.
I don’t believe you can start to climb out of the unhealthily thought process until you acknowledge and are accountable for your part in the cycle. It truly is a healing that must come from the inside out. Someone else isn’t going to save you or change your mind set and self-value. If you are lucky enough you can find amazing cheerleaders, but cheerleaders don’t win the game. They just help bring the energy, excitement and add motivation to the players and crowd. You as the player must take the steps to be victorious.
Keep in mind that being with the wrong person is not any less lonely than being alone. For true happiness, you need to know you are valuable and worthy of being treated well. This does not apply to just romantic relationships this applies to all relationships.
I am not saying all this in a position of mastering the cycle. It is a lifelong habit and thought process that I am overcoming and work on daily. I am in a far better mind space than I was just 3 years ago, knowing that I deserve to be treated well and would much rather create an interesting and adventurous life alone than be with someone that does not treat me well. I also have chosen to eliminate the people from my life which in their negative spaces were holding me down. I know now I am worth far more than what I have settled for and am taking the lessons from my past poor choices and using it to make a better future.